.According to USA TODAY.com "Thirty more people are sick after eating Kellogg's Honey Smacks cereal, which was recalled in June over salmonella concerns. That brings the total number of cases to 130, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports."
"In an update Tuesday, the CDC told retailers not to sell any Kellogg’s Honey Smacks cereal and customers not to buy or eat it. This update follows a CDC advisory in July, when the health agency also told people not to eat the cereal."
"The reported illness... affected children less than a year old to those as old as 95."
BREAKING NEWS, ABOMINABLE CEREAL IS NOW NOT ONLY DISGUSTING TO CONSUME, BUT NOW OFFERS GUARANTEED, AUTOMATIC DIARRHEA. There's a lot to digest in this hilarious story. First of all, it's news to me that people are still actually purchasing Honey Smacks with their hard earned cash. There are literally hundreds of other options out there, and you landed on the cereal that looks like deer pellets. I kinda thought that they were just something we were supposed to leave back in the 90's like Jnco jeans, soul-patches, and Fred Durst. Honey Smacks are the one person in the group chat that has an android because he's "so different" and because "the internal processing speed is way better." That guy sucks.
Also, if you're feeding Honey Smacks to a child that is "less than a year old," you are either 1.) Not fit to raise and mold a life are probably creating a future serial killer ;), or 2.) an insane person that should be put away and be forced to eat this garbage day and night for 10 to life. I'm not entirely sure when babies are supposed to eat hard food yet, but inside a year seems a bit aggressive to start giving them anything sugary, let alone this monstrosity. Stick to cheerios, Diane.
Oh and hey, people working in nursing homes, stop feeding our golden generation this trash. For starters, these fossils lost their sense of taste a LONG time ago, and probably couldn't tell the difference between Honey Smacks and congealed sawdust. They built this country, goddamit! You give them bowl of Corn Flakes WITHOUT sugar like they asked for, turn up the goddam volume on Judge Joe Brown, and think about a time when the only snaps you were getting were from your pa after you jammed up the manual lawn mower.
The exodus is over my friends! For the last 8 months we have been wandering through the desert without a reason to live on Sundays. “Church?” Please. “Golf?” Is Tiger in the mix… no? No thanks. “Brunch?” No amount of eggs benedict and bottomless mimosas can fill the hole (and violently aggressive hangover) in my heart. But now is the time to rejoice; FOOTBALL IS BACK, and there is finally reason to celebrate in the Bay Area… well, at least one side of the bay. The chisel jawed piazzano has made 49er football exciting again, and now that he’s actually had some time to absorb the labyrinth of yardage that is the Shanahan playbook, there’s no telling how high this man can climb. Here is your Week 1 preview for the Red and Gold:
With an entire offseason to learn and digest Kyle Shanahan’s offense, Jimmy Garoppolo has his eyes set on having his breakout year. The last time we saw Kyle Shanahan integrate his system into a new offense, Matt Ryan won an MVP in his second season with him. Now, Jimmy G is not Matt Ryan and we don’t have Julio Jones out wide, but there is reason to believe in the kid. He won every game he started, was paramount in orchestrating clutch end of game drives, and finished the season with a 96.2 QB rating, all with a limited playbook. However, he has a tendency to float balls and throw interceptions, and against the 6th ranked Viking secondary, and that could present some issues. Also with the loss of McKinnon for the rest of the season, the 49ers could find themselves in some trouble if they can’t move the ball on the ground and are forced to throw on second and third down. Look for San Francisco to include a healthy dosage of Morris and Brieda in the first half to try and set the tone for the game.
On the defensive side of the ball, Reuben Foster’s suspension for the first two games really hurts, leaving Brock Coyle, Mark Nzeocha, and Fred Warner. Malcolm Smith is still a question mark, leaving Elijah Lee and even Jimmie Ward potentially to clean up the mess at linebacker. However, the defensive line headed by Buckner, Thomas, and Armstead is as ferocious as they come, which should help to stifle Dalvin Cook’s return. Also look for DE Ronald Blair to make an impact off the edge in some service reps. Also, with the addition of a healthy Richard Sherman, look for this sleeper secondary to make and impact against Thielen and Diggs.
As for the Vikings, the best thing I think they have going for them, as good as their team is, could be their crowd. U.S. Bank Stadium is going to be absolutely ROCKING. The 49ers have had trouble in these “high amplitude” games, as they are more accustomed to fans enjoying some pregame pino instead of backyard beer bongs.
This will be Kirk Cousins’ first appearance in the purple and gold, however, and he will be looking to make a splash in his first game in front of his home crowd, which may lead to him taking some unnecessary risks. They also have Dalvin Cook returning from a brutal ACL tear, and while by all accounts he has made remarkable progress in his rehab, don’t be surprised if he gets limited reps and platoons with Latavius Murray. Adam Thielen and Stefon Diggs are looking to build off strong breakout years for the both of them, and the consistent Kyle Rudolph will try to exploit the weakened San Francisco linebacking core.
Make no mistake about it; Minnesota is a bonafide Superbowl contender, and frankly a better team than the 49ers right now. While there is a lot of hype surrounding this San Francisco squad, expect this to be an absolute nail biter. This is going to be an aerial spectacle in the Dome Up North, and I can see this game coming down to just a couple of mistakes. Let’s see who’s gonna blink first.
Much like the tide, bandwagon fans come and go as they please, latching on to whatever team can give them the internal satisfaction that is so clearly missing in their life. Look, it’s not their fault. Whether it’s because of a lack of municipal pride or simply just crippling social anxiety, these people need to be taken care of, and as the newest carriers of the crown, it is our responsibility as Warriors fans to make sure these people have a home.
I know it’s hard. You sat through so much hot garbage. You witnessed Adonal Foyle. You saw Troy “bag of milk” Murphy. Ronny Turiaf was exciting to you at one point. But the Bay has finally arrived, and while you want to savor the flavor of dominance before all these cultural leeches hop on board, it is now your duty to harbor these troglodytes.
So when you see the Boogie Cousins “the town” jersey on a 45 year old man drinking white wine sitting courtside, know that you were there first, and he will be gone. When your talking warriors and see the guys homescreen is Lebron, take him under your wing and tell him everything is going to be alright. When your talking to someone about the squad and they cant name anyone coming off the bench, educate them about the lore of Livingston, and show them the compassion they so desperately require. Once the sun has set on the greatest modern dynasty the game has seen, take solace in the fact that we know we will still be here, and make sure to take care of those who simply aren’t as strong.
You know what Jed, We've just about had enough. There is so much to be excited about with our franchise. We think we have found the neo-Montana of our generation, we've signed a bunch of new free agents that fit the Shanahan system, and the excitement of the draft and some of the pickups have given even more hope to a franchise that has been pining for sustained success since the 1990's. With all that excitement, you have shown us yet again that you have no idea who your fanbase really is.
In yet another way to turn quick buck and try and pay back the city of Santa Clara for the Stadium you so wanted to build there, you are turning out your stadium to the people of Stadium Links, who will turn our hallowed ground of where athletes literally throw their bodies on the line to not give up an extra inch, into a nine hole "golf course" where tech-yuppie blowhards from the South Bay can slap it around and chat about their second quarter earnings while sipping on some Michelob Ultras and chardonnay spritzers. Congratulations Jed, you have prostituted our stadium yet again.
You know what your problem is? You're ashamed of us. You're ashamed of the fans that brought you all this success and money. You think that you can integrate this new, soft fanbase of techies and people who are just looking for another thing to do on a Sunday into our historically rich, proud, and deeply loyal fanbase. And if the team is good, that's great. You can have your cake and eat it too. You can charge whatever price you want, and people will buy. I mean as we all know, nothing gets a football crowd going like a nice Chianti in the fall. But what happens when the success fades. What happens if the Garoppolo experience doesn't work out. Lord knows I'm begging for him to kick ass, but what if it doesn't. You think your country-club fanbase is going to stick around for a 3-13 season. I don't think so. It's going to be us left standing, and we'll be pissed.
But for now, you win. Gone are the days of beerbonging during a tailgate just to dull the cold winds of the Candlestick parking lot. Gone is the buzzed rage that made the 'Stick one of the most hostile places to play in the NFL. For now, enjoy selling your nosebleeds that directly face the sun (sweet planning by the way) for $130. Have fun pricing out a middle-class family of four from going to the game. I hope you enjoy it. Just know that we are still here, and when the dust settles, we'll be all you got left.
P.S. To the folks at Stadium Links, this actually looks dope. It's just a whole thing with Mr. York. We would love to have you guys at AT&T.
As exciting as this years first round of the NBA playoffs were for most of the league, the story for the Warriors so far has been unsurprisingly monotonous. After a gentleman's sweep against an emotionally and physically tired Spurs squad, Golden State set it's sights on the team form the Big Easy in what many thought would be the Warriors first challenge this postseason.
After they handily dismantled and swept the utterly disappointing Portland trailblazers, many thought the Blazers had a true shot of coming for the crown of the Golden State Warriors. The whole season for the Warriors has been riddled with injuries at key positions, and breakout performances by Jrue Holiday and Nikola Mirotic along with the consistent dominance of Anthony Davis in the first round have given the franchise some hope coming into this round.
All that changed after this past Saturday. While the first quarter showed that the Pelicans had the fight necessary to keep up with the best of the NBA, the rest of the game told a different tale. The Warriors outscored the Pelicans 41-21 in the second quarter, and parlayed that into continued dominance for the rest of the contest. Klay Thompson and Kevin Durant scored 27 and 26 respectively, and Draymond Green posted a 16-15-11 statline, earning his 26th career triple double, 4th in the playoffs. Simply put, more likely than not, talent will always win out over grit. Now that's not to say the Warriors are out of the woods yet on this series, but grabbing that first game in such convincing fashion surely sets the tone for the rest of the series. And If that wasn't good enough, more good news seems to have arrived.
According to Steve Kerr, and pretty much everyone else who knows anything about the inner workings of the team, Steph Curry will be returning for Tuesday's matchup at home. This will be his first game back in over a month after suffering a grade 2 MCL sprain against the Hawks back in March. The Warriors have been performing very well without the centerpiece of the franchise, and his addition should bolster an offense and defense that is already firing on all cylinders.
Last Friday he participated in a full practice and felt that he was ready to go, but Kerr said he wanted to, "protect himself from his own competitiveness," which is why he didn't appear in game one. There have been questions of how many minutes he will be getting and if he is going to be on any sort of set minutes restriction, to which Kerr has stated that the only thing potentially limiting his time on the court will be his conditioning.
He's a full go folks, and if he can affect this series the way that most people think he will be able to, the Warriors are putting the rest of the league on notice. So as the eyes of the basketball universe will be glued to the events in Oracle Arena on Tuesday night, we will see what kind of magic the baby faced assassin will bring to the building.
Somehow, the NFL has managed to keep the consciousness of the sports world on football for the entire year, and the shining example of this achievement is the NFL draft. With the NBA and NHL playoffs in full swing, the Goodell braintrust makes us stop and wonder what our teams will look like next season. While I do feel that predicting the draft is a futile and fairly useless exercise in prognostication, I do feel that I have a cultural obligation to throw my hat in the ring and give it the old college try. With all that said, WELCOME TO THE 2018 NFL DRAFT!
#1 Cleveland Browns: Sam Darnold QB
This is the milktoast pick of the draft. Originally, I thought Allen was going first, but considering some of Allens old tweets, where he admits that "white is right," and that he will, "show up these n----- at pong," I'm assuming his draft stock is going to slip a little. Darnold doesn't necessarily have any glaring weakness, but he's not "jump off the screen" in any particular category. He also has hamburger head, but that's neither here nor there. All in all Darnold is a safe, yet boring pick.
#2 NY Giants: Saquon Barkley RB
While I don't think it's the right pick for the Giants, he is in my opinion the most can't miss prospect in this class. He tested well at the combine, performed at an elite level in college, and played against Big 10 competition. While I think that they should be taking a QB here, Barkley certainly can make a huge difference for a team that struggled mightily on the offensive side of the ball last year.
#3 NY Jets: Baker Mayfield QB
Mayfield isn't the highest QB on my big board, but I really like the fit for him in New York. Having one of the higher ceilings in this draft, he needs the right system to watch and learn how to be a pro. Everybody makes a big deal about his "off-field issues," but who among us hasn't tried to drunkenly jog away from the police? Also saw a documentary on him last night about his befriending of a girl who passed away soon after... Gotta say; verified good dude. He's supremely talented, and sitting behind Teddy Bridgewater for a while will be beneficial.
#4 Cleveland Browns: Quenton Nelson OG
With the Browns being in full rebuild mode, this would be a really smart pick for them. They need to get better at essentially every position, and this guy is going to be an absolute stud at the next level. Many scouts have been critical of putting so much stock in an offensive guard, but this dude is a class A road-grader. He's an elite puller and has great feet. They got their QB, and this is the guy to protect him.
#5 Denver Broncos: Josh Allen QB
Josh Allen was born to be a Denver Bronco. Tall, huge arm, small school, accuracy questions; he checks all the boxes. I think this is a HUGE mistake for Denver, but luckily they have Case Keenum who shows that he can lead a team with minimal talent around him (lol). John Elway just won't be able to help himself with this pick, and Allen will be taking his big hands to Mile High.
#6 Buffalo Bills (via Indy): Josh Rosen QB
Even at #6, this could be the steal of the draft. This guy is at the top of my QB board, and to be quite honest, it doesn't seem that his gameplay has any flaws. He's impressively accurate, reads the field well, can make space when needed, and is super intelligent. Scouts seemed to have soured on him due to questions about his "love for the game." Just because the guy has a brain that is capable of more than football thoughts doesn't mean he doesn't love the game. He can make all the throws and seems to be the most pro-ready QB in the draft. Once Brady retires, the AFC East will be the land of Rosen.
#7 Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Bradley Chubb EDGE
While the secondary was most definitely a concern for the Bucs last year, if Chubb happens to fall to them, he is simply too good to pass up. Having arguably the highest motor in the game, Chubb could be a nightmare for the league if he's in the right system. There are some concerns about him against the run, but I'm sure they can figure something out with a talent like this.
#8 Chicago Bears: Tremaine Edmunds OLB
His measurables are out of this world, and he seems to be a freak athlete. Since his combine performance, he has been rising up draft boards, and for good reason. There are questions about his ability to cover in the pass game at the next level, which is a bit of a red flag. Not a huge fan of this pick, but to each their own I guess.
#9 San Francisco 49ers: Minkah Fitzpatrick
It looks like Reuben Foster is out of the woods on his newest domestic abuse case, which means our front seven is pretty solid. Fitzpatrick would be the perfect protege for Sherman, and would surely fill up some holes for a secondary that needed some help last season.
#10 Oakland Raiders: Roquan Smith
This guy is an absolute stud. He reads the offense well, has unmatched pursuit, and is surprisingly good in coverage. He can be a great compliment for Bowman, and would bolster a defensive unit that was lack-luster last season.
Due to time constraints, I will lightning round the remainder of the first round
#11 Miami Dolphins: Derwin James DB
#12 Indianapolis Colts: Mike McGlinchey OT
#13 Washington Redskins: Vita Vea DT
#14 Green Bay Packers: Denzel Ward DB
#15 Arizona Cardinals: Calvin Ridley WR
#16 Baltimore Ravens: Lamar Jackson QB
#17 LA Chargers: Da'Ron Payne DL
#18 Seattle Seahawks: Harold Landry DE
#19 Dallas Cowboys: Courtland Sutton
#20 Detroit Lions: Taven Bryan DT
#21 Cincinnati Bengals: Will Hernandez OT
#22 Buffalo Bills: Isaiah Wynn OG
#23 New England Patriots: Kolton Miller OT
#24 Carolina Panthers: Mike Hughes CB
#25 Tennessee Titans: Mike Sweat OLB
#26 Atlanta Falcons: Mike Gesicki TE
#27 New Orleans Saints: Hayden Hurst TE
#28 Pittsburg Steelers: Rashaan Evans ILB
#29 Jacksonville Jaguars: D.J. Moore WR
#30 Minnesota Vikings: Josh Jackson CB
#31 New England Patriots: Mason Rudolf QB
#32 Philadelphia Eagles: Sony Michel RB
Rockets in 5 over Timberwolves
Trailblazers in 7 over Pelicans
Thunder in 7 over Jazz
Warriors in 4 over Spurs
Raptors in 5 over Wizards
Celtics in 6 over Bucks
76ers in 6 over Heat
Cavs in 5 over Pacers
Rockets in 6 over Thunder
Warriors in 5 over Trailblazers
Cavs in 7 over Raptors
76ers in 6 over Celtics
Warriors in 6 over Rockets
Cavs in 7 over 76ers
Warriors in 5 over Cavs
By: Marco Pellini
It wasn't suppose to end this way, not for one of the most recognizable players of his generation, and by many accounts the greatest goalie of all time. Gianluigi Buffon (AKA "GIGI") has been chasing the one trophy that has been alluding him his entire career. 3 Champions League finals defeats had left an enormous void in this great players resume, surely it couldn't end this way. The audacity of this English referee to call a questionable penalty on the last play of regulation will be debated for years to come; giving Buffon a red card was just plain wrong. Juventus was pulling off one of the greatest feats in Champions League history, however there would be no story book ending on this evening. There is a tremendous bit of irony on how this drama unfolded in the waining seconds of an epic Champions League match. The coach of Real Madrid is Zinedine Zidane, the former Juventus star and French international who is one of greatest players of all time. In his last international match Zidane was given a red card in the 2006 World Cup final against Italy (after head butting Italian defender Marco Materazzi) which prevented Zidane from participating in the shoot outs against Buffon. Fast forward 12 years and Buffon gets a red card in his last international match , which prevented him from participating in the ensuing penalty kick versus Zidane's team. Unbelievable. Hollywood could not have scripted a crueler ending.
Here Is A Real List
By Marco Pellini
ESPN The Magazine recently put out a list of the 20 most dominant athletes in the past 20 years (See Below). ESPN's list was a very PC friendly, all inclusive participation trophy type list. Weak Sauce. Here is my list. (Rule, no race car drivers).
MEATBALL SPORTS TOP 20
1. USAIN BOLT- Fastest man on earth with world records in both the 100 and 200 meters. Won gold medals in the 100M, 200M, and 4 x 100M relay in 3 straight olympics. He won the world championships in those 3 events from 2009 to 2015. He won 21 out of 21 events combined in those 3 events between the Olympics and World Championships.
2. BARRY BONDS - Greatest baseball player of the modern era. He juiced? More pitchers tested positive than position players so it was a level playing field. His stats are mind boggling. Most intentional walks of all time, 49% of Bond's nearly 3000 hits were extra base hits, 762 HR's, 8 time gold glove winner, and only member of the 500/500 club,
3. MICHAEL PHELPS - The greatest swimmer of all time. 23 gold medals across 4 olympics.
4. LEBRON JAMES - 7 straight NBA finals. 4 time MVP (in the running for MVP every year), 3 time finals MVP. When all is said and done will be the all time NBA points leader.
5. SERENA WILLIAMS - Greatest female tennis player of all time. 23 singles grand slam titles.
6. TIGER WOODS - Greatest golfer since Jack with 14 majors; his early run in his career was unprecedented.
7. LIONEL MESSI - The greatest soccer player of all time. Impossible to guard one on one, great at free kicks, best passer and dribbler of all time. 5 time FIFA world player of the year; would go up in the rankings if he wins the 2018 world cup.
8. FLOYD MAYWEATHER - Undefeated and the greatest defensive champion of all time.
9. ROGER FEDERER - Greatest male tennis player of all time. 20 grand slam titles.
10. KOBE BRYANT - 5 NBA titles (2 without Shaq), 3rd all time on the NBA scoring list. 17 time all star, 11 time All-NBA (tied for 1st all time), 12 time all defensive team including 9 on the first team (tied for 1st with Jordan and Payton).
11. TOM BRADY
12. CRISTIANO RONALDO
13. PEYTON MANNING
15. ANIKA SORENSTAM
16. STEPH CURRY
17. AARON RODGERS
18. RANDY MOSS
19. DIANA TAURASI
20. NOVAK DJOKOVIC
ESPN's TOP 20 LIST
1. Tiger Woods
2. Lebron James
3. Peyton Manning
4. Jimmy Johnson
5. Roger Federer
6. Annika Sorenstam
7. Michael Schumacher
8. Floyd Mayweather
10. Usain Bolt
11. Lionel Messi
12. Serena Williams
13. Lauren Jackson
14. Cristiano Ronaldo
15. Novak Djokovic
16. Allyson Felix
17. Barry Bonds
18. Mike Trout
19. Manny Pacquiao
20. Tom Brady
By: Marco Pellini
When the Warriors won their 2nd title in 3 years last June, NBA insiders and experts were lamenting at the prospect that the Warriors would run off title after title in the years to come. The Warriors had assembled such an indomitable super team, it was making a mockery of the competitive balance of the league. Their unparalleled excellence over the past 4 seasons has had the effect of forcing the remaining teams to either reload and amass talent (Rockets acquire Chris Paul, Thunder acquire PG & Melo, Pelicans acquire Boogey, etc) or to go into tank mode early in the season. Oh how things can change ever so quickly.
Even prior to the injuries to their big 3, this was proving to be the most difficult seasons to date due to empathy and boredom of the regular season, and the rise of the Houston Rockets. The Rockets have retooled their roster specifically to compete with the Warriors. Their defense is much improved, their bench is now formidable, and they appear to be much hungrier. The Warriors have conceded the #1 seed in the west, and are in danger of losing home court to Toronto in the event that they meet in the finals.
You want to rest players throughout the season, fine. You want to be extra cautious with players that are coming back from injury, fine. You want to sleep walk throughout the regular season never reaching that same level of consistency from previous seasons, fine. You believe that you can simply turn on the intensity and focus in the post season, fine. Fine, just make sure that you bring home the title. Should the Warriors not bring home a title this season, they will have won just 2 titles in 4 years which would be a severe underachievement for a team that boasts of 3 future Hall of Famers. For all of accolades, records, and achievements, 2 titles in 4 seasons would be a failure. Lets hope it doesn't get to that.